


Schrödinger's Dating Protocol

by misura



Category: Nothing Can Possiby Go Wrong (Graphic Novel)
Genre: Background Femslash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Idiots! In a love story with cheerleaders and a robot.





	Schrödinger's Dating Protocol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meretricula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretricula/gifts).



"Do you have any idea who Joanna's dating right now?" Nate asked.

"Um," said Charlie. "Areyousureyoushouldbetalkingrightnow?"

Nate dodged a truck. "Relax. I'm a master of the laws of physics."

Charlie closed his eyes. "Pretty sure that's not a thing."

"It's not a thing, it's a person. And I am that person. Besides, I'm an excellent driver. Why do you even get into my car if all you're going to do is criticize my driving style?"

"IdontcriticzeIjusthopeveryhardnottodie."

"Whatever." Nate braked. "Do you know who Joanna started hanging out with?"

"Um," said Charlie. "A really cute robot?"

"Ugh. This light takes forever to turn green."

"Shouldn't a master of the laws of physics be able to control time as well as distance?"

Nate glared.

Charlie reminded himself that there was nothing Nate could possibly do to him that was worse than what was about to happen (or rather: resume) the second the light turned from red to green.

 

_I'm dating Joanna now.  
\- Holly_

 

Charlie had considered texting back that this was not information he had been in need of receiving in the middle of the night, but (1) to be fair, it was only ten in the evening, so even on a school night, that wasn't actually that late, and (2) he did not want to die.

It was a little surprising, he admitted to himself. A little unusual.

Of course, all the cheerleaders hung out together all the time, so maybe lots of cheerleaders were dating other cheerleaders, and all cheerleaders were girls, so that would mean lots of cheerleaders were dating girls, and Joanna was a girl, so that all fitted in nicely and made perfect sense.

And Holly was scary, but nice, really, if you got past the scary, and Joanna was nice, but scary if she got angry, so that made sense, too. They matched.

He'd fallen asleep at 22:12 sharp, worried about nothing at all.

Well, nothing except Nate driving him to school the next morning.

 

8:12

"It's Holly, by the way," Nate said. "The one Joanna's started hanging out with. Can you believe that?"

Charlie shrugged. "Why not? They have a lot in common."

"No, they don't. Why would you - " Nate's eyes narrowed. "You knew!"

"Um. Holly texted me?" said Charlie.

"You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"It was kind of late?" said Charlie. "And anyway, it wasn't you, so I don't quite see why you'd even expect me to tell you."

"You're my friend! Or I thought you were. Friends share information. Friends don't tap into the cheerleaders' information network without telling each other."

Charlie frowned. "What happened to the cheerleading squad _not_ being the KGB?"

"Recent events have taught me to respect my enemies even as I plan to crush them," Nate said airily. "On that note, please report your next hostile contact immediately."

Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Also, you should come over to my house tonight for a strategy session."

"I thought we were going to hang out at my house with pizza and a movie."

Nate glowered. "That was before I realized the cheerleaders were trying to infiltrate the robotics club through underhanded means."

 

"You guys should really stop freaking out about this," said Joanna.

"Hey, I'm cool with it," Ben said. "Live and create artificial life, that's my motto."

"We think it's great!" The twins grinned. "The stuff of fantasies."

"Good." Joanna considered. "Well, not good, but you guys know I can beat you up if you cross the line, so for now, I'm okay with your superfluous and unasked for support for the personal choices I make in my personal life that are entirely personal."

Nate said nothing. Very loudly.

 

"So," said Charlie.

"Don't talk during the movie. This is the best part."

"Okay. Cool."

"Charlie!"

"What?"

"Stop talking."

"I did. But then you said something."

"Ugh. Too late. You ruined it."

 

_BTW, you're dating Nate Harding. In case you didn't know.  
\- Holly_

 

Charlie stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He tried to imagine Nate walking in, half-dressed - well, no, that felt wrong. Fantasizing about his best friend half-dressed felt wrong.

He fantasized about Nate walking in fully dressed. Smiling, because this was a fantasy and people could behave in unrealistic ways in fantasies. Then Nate would spot Charlie, lying on his bed and say something flirtatious, like ...

Charlie frowned, considering. He realized that he had no idea how Nate would flirt with someone. It just wasn't something he'd ever seen Nate do.

Nate was far more likely to simply walk in here, looking annoyed instead of smiling. He'd glance at the bed long enough to make sure Charlie was there, and then he'd say.

"Well, obviously we're dating. What else did you think we were doing? Are you an idiot?"

Charlie decided it was a very nice fantasy. His first one about Nate. He thought he'd done well, by way of a first effort. Realistic, but not too realistic. Respectful, but he'd left the top button of Nate's shirt undone - as Nate did, too, sometimes, when it was a particularly hot day.

 

"Anyway, why would the cheerleaders even bother with the robotics club?" said Charlie.

Nate looked at him. Charlie felt the room temperature drop by several degrees. "Are you insinuating the robotics club does not possess any valuable, highly confidential secrets, such as blueprints for our new robot, which we have unanimously and with great originality decided to call The Beast II?"

"The Beast Strikes Back?" Charlie managed a grin.

Nate shrugged. "Well, it was either that, or The Last Beast, and that one made Joanna cry."

"The Beast Into Darkness?"

"Begone from here, foul heathen." Nate took a bite from his sandwich.

Charlie's jaw stopped hurting. The room felt nice and warm again. "So did you hear we won our game the other night?"

"I know not this 'we' you speak of," said Nate. "And don't think I haven't noticed you trying to change the subject. Answer the question, Charlie."

"Do I think the cheerleaders are interested in getting their hands on the design for your new robot?" Charlie sighed. "I really don't. Do you?"

"Of course not. If they had the least interest in robotics and things that are actually fun and interesting, they wouldn't be cheerleaders now, would they?"

"On the behalf of cheerleaders everywhere, I am offended."

"Mind, I don't think much of people who play basketball, either."

"Dare I hope to be the exception to that rule?"

"You're not," Nate informed him. "I only put up with you because you're my best friend."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Just one of the many sacrifices I make for the sake of our friendship."

 

"Um. Hey. It's me. Please don't pick up. I wanted to ask: are we dating? BecauseHollykindofsentmeatexttosayweare. So, anyway, just checking. Bye."

*BEEP*

"Um. Me again. In case I was being unclear and you didn't recognize my voice or anything: when I said 'hey, it's me', I meant it was me. Charlie."

*BEEP*

"Charlie Nolan. Um. I'll stop leaving voicemail messages now. Thanks for not picking up."

*BEEP*

"Um, if we're not dating, that's cool. It was a strictly informative question. You know, to make sure we're all on the same page here. Well, you and me, I mean. I don't expect - never mind. See you tomorrow. Or Sunday, if you're busy tomorrow. Or Monday, if you're also busy Sunday. Um."

 

"HOLLY SAID WHAT?"

Charlie winced.

"CHARLIE! ANSWER ME! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE!"

"Half the neighborhood can hear you, Nate."

"WHAT? I'M STANDING IN YOUR GARDEN. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP."

"Please stop yelling."

"IF THE REAL QUESTION IS WHETHER OR NOT I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE AN IDIOT, THE ANSWER IS YES. WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU WERE NOT AN IDIOT, BUT SINCE YOU ARE, I GUESS I DON'T PLACE AS MUCH VALUE ON INTELLIGENCE AS I - oh, hey."

"Would you maybe like to come inside so we can talk about this?"

"You sure you don't want me to keep yelling?"

"Very sure."

"Just asking. Then lead on, MacDuff."

 

Charlie was sort of glad Dad was out of town. Again.

"So," he said. "I guess Holly was right. Um."

Nate scowled. "It's not dating when one of the people involved doesn't even know about it! Anyway, didn't I tell you to report any future contacts with the Mistress of Evil straight away? When did you get this text that might have forever ruined our friendship?"

"A few days ago," Charlie admitted. "I just ... needed some time. To think about it."

Nate scowled some more. "What's there to think about?"

"Um," said Charlie. "Nothing?"

"I should hope not! What kind of world would we be living in if all it took for two people to suddenly start dating was a text message? Bad enough the head cheerleader is dating my head engineer."

"So we're dating," Charlie said. "Because we are."

"Well, obviously we're dating. What else did you think we were doing? Why are you smiling like that?"

"I just realized you're my fantasy boyfriend," said Charlie.

Nate scowled. "I figured out you were my fantasy boyfriend years ago. Why else would I spend so much of my time hanging out with the captain of the basketball team? I knew right away it had to be love."


End file.
